Duck-Fried Chicken (Like Chicken Fried Steak, only with duck instead of chicken and chicken instead of steak. Wait... what?)

For this, you'll need a really big, high-sided cast-iron or stainless steel fry pan. And a spatter screen, unless you enjoy getting hit with flying globs of searing hot fat. In which case, go to town without the spatter screen. Hell, do it naked if you really love the hurt.

Melt 1 to 2 lbs of duck or goose fat or lard in the pan over medium heat. The amount depends on the size of your pan. You want 1-1/2 inches of hot liquid fat in there. You can re-use the fat several times - just strain through a fine strainer, after it's cooled to room temperature, into a non-plastic container for the next time.

Get the fat as hot as it can get on just above medium heat. Not quite medium-high. That will mean leaving it to melt and pre-heat for a good 15 minutes. Carefully slide unseasoned skin-on, bone-in chicken pieces into the fat. Don't drop them in because you're scared of the hot fat - you will just cause a big splash and burn yourself! Just slide them in, nice and easy-like. Don't overcrowd the pan, either - leave a little cushion of space around each piece. Put your spatter screen over the pan and let it bubble and fry for about 10 -15 minutes until light golden on the bottom. Flip each piece over (use long tongs and be careful, damnit!). Replace the spatter screen and cook for another 10 to 15 until light golden and crispy all over. Remove the chicken to a plate lined with paper toweling. Sprinkle with salt, if desired. Let cool at least 5 minutes (10 is better) before eating, as it holds on to the heat like crazy and you might burn your mouth, otherwise.

*Note: without a flour coating, the chicken will never get as dark golden as it would with traditional fried chicken, but it will be just as crispy. A light amber colour is sufficient. You will get a really really crunchy crispy skin and a juicy interior. Use thighs or legs or wings - they are so much better than breasts. I must insist on this point! This is my favourite fried chicken and so much nicer and less greasy tasting than flour-coated fried chicken.

Portable Food

Ok, a quick note before I get ready to leave to pick up my family to see Uncle Jim. As any Optimal Nutrition follower knows, one of the hardest parts of our diet is that there is not much in the way of portable food. This was one of the things stressing me out yesterday. I'd be trapped out today, all day long, with no source of ON/Failsafe food (Failsafe being the bigger concern for me at the moment). It's still an issue, as my brother, who doesn't know about my diet(s), mentioned getting dinner together afterwards. He's never been approving of me being on any kind of diet, partly because he knows I've lost a lot of weight already, but mostly because he thinks women look better with lots of curves. He thinks I'm underweight right now. It's too bad there aren't more men like him in the world. However, his distaste for diets will most definitely carry over to the failsafe thing, regardless of whether or not it's about weight loss. He'll just think I'm being insane.

But I digress. I've just come up with a portable food, that's in perfect ON proportions. I just made for a day's worth of nourishment, so that, even if I eat nothing else today, I will have plenty to eat. If at dinner I end up being forced into something un-failsafe, that is another story - but at least I have an option. The fact is, I may cave in from stress and just eat whatever (which I have been known to do, especially in times of stress/family gathering/tragedy), but this gives me an 'out'.

Optimal Crepes

3 whole eggs
8 egg yolks
5 tbsp melted clarified butter (or 6 tbsp melted whole butter)
5 tbsp unbleached flour
2 tbsp water
big pinch salt
4 tbsp lard

Whisk everything but the lard together in a bowl to make a smooth batter; let stand for 10 minutes while your pan heats up. Heat a small cast iron crepe pan (I have a great little cast iron skillet that is so well-seasoned that the crepes just slide right out) over medium heat. Melt a slice of the lard in the pan. Pour batter into pan, in 3 tbsp quantities, to make small, easily managable crepes. Cook each crepe for 2 to 3 minutes on the first side, until firm on the bottom, but still slightly runny on top. Flip over and cook for an additional minute. This will make a nice pale crepe. You will probably need to turn the heat down to just below medium as you make the crepes, as the pan will get hotter as you're cooking. Add more lard to pan as needed. Transfer crepes to a plate as you make them, let them cool and wrap up in parchment paper. I am keeping mine cold in a cooler so that amines don't become an issue, but you could likely keep these at room temperature for a long time without them turning if you're not amine-sensitive. They're really good!

Here's the nutritional information for 1 full recipe of my crepes (enough for a full day of food if divided throughout the day):

Calories: 1841
Fat: 170 g
Sat. Fat: 78 g
Poly: 24 g
Mono: 62 g
Carb: 34 g
Fibre: 1 g
Protein: 46 g

I will be having ascorbic acid and my calcium/mag supplement today since I'm eating zero vegetables and no dairy. Here's hoping it works out!

*****Edit the following day: Yeah, my heart was in the right place with the crepes, but things didn't work out quite as planned... My brother had planned out a restaurant and I went along for the ride. It was amazing, and I don't feel any particular ill-effects yet, other than just being drained and tired.

Foods Eaten (in retrospect): Optimal Pancakes; shortbread; BBQ ribs (not failsafe); BBQ chicken leg (not failsafe); baked beans (not failsafe); potatoes; coleslaw (not failsafe); potato bread (not sure what was in it); ice cream; coffee (regular); cream; ascorbic acid; calcium/magnesium supplement
Calories: 2676 Fat: 177 g Carb: 190 g Fibre: 14 g Protein: 91 g
Weight: 152.5 lbs