Cranky and Pensive

Foods Eaten: Cabbage; sunflower oil; decaf coffee; eggs; egg yolks; clarified butter; cashews; rice flour shortbread; chicken
Cal: 2324 Fat: 210 g Carb: 65 g Fibre: 19 g Protein:61 g
Weight:153 lbs

I'm a bit cranky this morning. Part of it is that I'm a bit angry with my partner, for silly reasons, but I'm pretty sure the main reason is because of the pork I ate last night. I haven't really eaten pork on Failsafe because of the amines in it, but I still eat lard, which doesn't seem to give me a problem. Currently, my supplement regime includes the following: methylcobalamin, B6, Manganese, selenium, zinc, calcium/magnesium (2:1) with Vitamin D added, L-Methionine, TMG, SAMe, ascorbic acid buffered with a bit of sodium bicarbonate and occasional epsom salts baths for sulphate. My molybdenum seems to be 'on delay' from nutrimedical.com. I should be receiving it next week, hopefully.

Unfortunately, not being an academic of any kind, I'm probably not doing a very good job of researching this diet to the fullest. I giggled at Emma's last post because I am the first person to admit that I'm a 'working class, uneducated' person who happens to take my health very seriously and has a voracious appetite for learning. I've encountered a significant amount of prejudice regarding my level of education (I'm a graduate of Chef school, which was a diploma course, not a proper university degree), which I paid for myself and never had any help of any kind - not even from the government. I've learned to shrug others' opinions off, since I've actually done very well in my career, considering my age and I could give a f*ck what insecure little shits with tiny cocks (like Nathan Thomas) think. There are a lot of people out there like him and the best way to deal with them is to ignore them and go about your business, whatever that business may be. And since the best revenge is living well, I dedicate my spare time to figuring out how I can live best, especially in the arena of health.

But... because of my lack of education (not a lack of intelligence, mind you), I keep wondering if I'm missing a big key to what might make me feel good all the time, instead of just some of the time. Sometimes I feel like I've found 'the answer' but every process in the body is so tied up with so many other processes in this incredibly complex web that each time I trial a different vitamin or mineral or dietary combination, it ends up causing a cascade of events that goes well beyond what I can easily understand. I'm realising that there is no one magic answer to any of this. It's a crazy balance that can fall apart at any time. Now, I'm starting to become less and less concerned with my weight and more concerned with all the other health effects that my diet and supplement regimen might provide for me (protection from diseases like cancer and heart disease and an improved mental and emotional state).

I enjoy researching diet and science and, for the most part, I'm quite thorough with it. But having stopped taking any form of chemistry or biology after my last year of high school, my level of comprehension drops off pretty early on in the research process. I start reading about neurotransmitters and nucleotides and chemical pathways and I just start feeling like I'm trying to read Greek. Although, even a Ph.D (from Cambridge) probably wouldn't solve this particular problem. From what I've read, most scientists are pretty confused about all this stuff too. And many of them are twits, to boot. Are you listening, Nathan? I'm talking about guys like you.

Being your own patient (or researching on behalf of a loved one) definitely removes your objectivity, but it also fuels your research with a level of thoroughness and passion that a researcher might not otherwise have. I feel like if anyone will make a huge discovery in science, it will probably someone who really cares, not some detached researcher.

I do wonder if I'm becoming obsessed with all of this and I do really really miss being able to just eat something from a restaurant or going to a friend's place for dinner without it being a big giant humiliating, 'hey look at me, I'm a freak' experience. I never realised how easy things were when all I had to worry about was carbs.