The Girl in the Food-Safe Plastic (or Preferably Glass or Pyrex) Bubble

So, after, er... a year (?) of going hog-wild with chemicals, I've decided I need to renew my interest in Failsafe. A little. Nothing outrageous, or that involves me living in a Travolta-bubble, but I definitely need to rethink things a bit. The UVB light works great - I have no complaints. But lately, I've been eating like a regular person and well ... it has to stop. We all know I'm not a regular person. I don't even fall into the 'slightly odd' category. I'm a full-blown food eccentric. I'm also a weirdo in other ways, but that, my friend, is neither here, nor is it there. Or maybe it is there, but it's not for this blog post, boy-o. I've also put on weight in the past year, what with the stress of my parents getting sick and the reintroduction of carbage in my diet. My thunder thighs have suddenly become hurricane thighs.

So step one is giving up coffee, which you probably know I love. I've been a coffee fanatic since age 13 and especially so since my trip to El Salvador, two years ago. Well, that's going to have to stop. Well, it has stopped, in fact. As of 2 weeks ago. Go me! I don't even really miss it, as long as I get enough carbs in my diet. I think my coffee consumption was masking a lot of issues that VLC brought on. But there will be no more masking! Only revealing!

Speaking of low-carb dieting, I'm done with crazy crash diets and calorie-restriction, too. It's done me no favours. My poor poor metabolism is the equivalent to my childhood family car: a 1980 Volkswagen that my father used to call "the little yellow shit-box". How the hell we fit our chubby-assed, stubby, Scottish, four-person-family in that little car, I will never know. Thank God we all have ridiculously short legs. People are very spoiled these days with their monstrous SUVs, etc. Make them drive their kids around in the hot summer, in a cramped two-door with vinyl seats that sear the first layer of skin off the backs of your thighs, I say! But I digress...

Step two! Alcohol. Sure there are Failsafe boozes, but honestly, booze isn't something I do well in moderation. I've never been a one-drink woman. I'm my parents' child in this respect. I'm not an alcoholic, but I come from a long line of alcoholics (on both sides) and honestly, it's not something I should be doing every day. I'm not swearing off it entirely, forever, because that's not terribly realistic. But it will no longer be an everyday thing for me and not even a weekly thing. If I drink one evening a month, then fine.

Step three is the giving up the really obvious food offenders, like coconut and super-chemically veggies. I already don't do fruit, but I've been enjoying a lot of dark leafies and curries, etc. and I've noticed some hives popping up all over. No good. I need to cut down on these, at the very least and keep them to special occasions - not for everyday eating. So helloooo cabbage! I mean I love cabbage and everything, but come on. How much cabbage can a person eat over the course her life? A fucking lot, apparently.

Oh Yeah! My blog!

Wow. Long time no prattle on...

Let's see if I can Coles Notes the last year for you...

My eczema turned into something called perioral dermatitis, which, as it turns out, was largely caused by a medicated cream that my doctor prescribed for me. My case was much much worse than anything I've seen online. All the photos I've looked at have made me think I should send in the photos of myself from when it was at its worst, so people know how very bad it can get. To say it was not pretty would be a vast understatement. My face looked like it had been dragged behind a truck. And painful! Ugh, the word painful doesn't even describe what was going on. So I went on antibiotics (which I stopped taking halfway through the 2 MONTH course) and bought a UVB light. I'm happy to say that the eczema - all of it - went away and has not since returned. I still use my light every few days, which seems to keep my skin in awesome condition. Also, the light seems to have allowed me a much more varied diet. I can be 'mostly' failsafe and get by just fine and am not nearly as strict.

On a crappy note, my parents were both diagnosed with serious illnesses 5 days apart last year, too. So that explains, mostly, why I've been away from this thing. My motivation to write just dropped off in the face of all that stress. It just seemed like an added stress that I didn't need.

But now, things seem to be easing up, slightly and the parentals seem to be doing OK and I'm going to try to update when I can with yummy surprises!

Update: SAD light!

I *heart* my new SAD light. I got this one. It is the bomb, guys. It makes me feel SOOOOO GOOD. Immediately afterwards and all throughout the day afterward. And not in a manic, coo-coo-pajamas kind of way, but in a content, groovy, smiling-even-though-I'm-stuck-in-rush-hour-traffic kind of way.

I still have eczema. BUT! I think I know why. Emma was kind enough to give me a little tutorial on the FailsafeNT group about eczema and apparently the bacteria that causes it loooooves fat. And what have I been religiously smearing all over my face for weeks and weeks, thinking that it would help? Fat. Emu oil, to be specific. Yeah, so as soon as my skin dries out a bit, I think things will improve. Actually it's already seeming less inflamed already after one day of fatlessness.

Yay!

Duck-Fried Chicken (Like Chicken Fried Steak, only with duck instead of chicken and chicken instead of steak. Wait... what?)

For this, you'll need a really big, high-sided cast-iron or stainless steel fry pan. And a spatter screen, unless you enjoy getting hit with flying globs of searing hot fat. In which case, go to town without the spatter screen. Hell, do it naked if you really love the hurt.

Melt 1 to 2 lbs of duck or goose fat or lard in the pan over medium heat. The amount depends on the size of your pan. You want 1-1/2 inches of hot liquid fat in there. You can re-use the fat several times - just strain through a fine strainer, after it's cooled to room temperature, into a non-plastic container for the next time.

Get the fat as hot as it can get on just above medium heat. Not quite medium-high. That will mean leaving it to melt and pre-heat for a good 15 minutes. Carefully slide unseasoned skin-on, bone-in chicken pieces into the fat. Don't drop them in because you're scared of the hot fat - you will just cause a big splash and burn yourself! Just slide them in, nice and easy-like. Don't overcrowd the pan, either - leave a little cushion of space around each piece. Put your spatter screen over the pan and let it bubble and fry for about 10 -15 minutes until light golden on the bottom. Flip each piece over (use long tongs and be careful, damnit!). Replace the spatter screen and cook for another 10 to 15 until light golden and crispy all over. Remove the chicken to a plate lined with paper toweling. Sprinkle with salt, if desired. Let cool at least 5 minutes (10 is better) before eating, as it holds on to the heat like crazy and you might burn your mouth, otherwise.

*Note: without a flour coating, the chicken will never get as dark golden as it would with traditional fried chicken, but it will be just as crispy. A light amber colour is sufficient. You will get a really really crunchy crispy skin and a juicy interior. Use thighs or legs or wings - they are so much better than breasts. I must insist on this point! This is my favourite fried chicken and so much nicer and less greasy tasting than flour-coated fried chicken.

Seasoning a cast-iron pan

I've seen many sites out there for how to season a cast-iron pan and most of them are wrong. If you ever see any recommendations to season a pan with vegetable oil of any kind, then you'll know that whoever is writing it has no idea what they're talking about. Vegetable oil leaves a sticky black coating on your pans that is almost impossible to get off and totally interferes with the natural 'seasoning' or non-stick layer that you're trying so hard to build.

Here's a good site that has it right. They are selling things on that site and I have no affiliation with them and have no idea if their products are good or complete garbage. But they, at the very least, seem to know how to take care of cast-iron cookware.

Hmm, if the vegetable oil is leaving a sticky black coating on your pans, imagine what it's doing inside your body... :o Food for thought!

Delicious Perfect Stock

OK, stock is so goddamn easy ever since I got my slow-cooker! I make my own stock all the time, now. I always have either beef, veal or chicken stock on hand, sometimes more than one. And as a nice bonus, it gives me a source of nice rendered fat and occasionally, marrow, if the beef bones I get have a good centre. FYI, the soft, slow-cooked marrow that can be scooped out of your beef bones after you make the stock can be used in a couple of ways. You can either mash and stir them into the stock, itself, or it can be mashed into burger meat to make your burgers fatter and more delicious. Yes stock and slow-cooked things are full of glutamates, so if you're sensitive to them, then limit your intake to just every once in a while.

Throw about 5 lbs of beef or chicken or veal bones into a slow cooker. If they are beef bones, try to get ones that are sliced more thinly and have more surface area, rather than 1 giant beef bone. The more surface area, the more opportunity for the flavour and gelatin to escape. Pour about 4 L of cold water over top. Cover and set on low. Cook for 24 hours. No skimming. No partial covering. No vegetation, seasonings or anything required! If you're inclined, add a bay leaf or two and some peppercorns and a few parsley stalks and/or halved leeks. But seriously. It's amazing with absolutely nothing added - honest. So easy. You'll get a really nice rich, totally delicious, thickly-gelling stock with a great mouth feel and lots of fat on top. Skim some of the fat off the top and keep it for cooking. If you're keeping the stock in the fridge leave a layer of fat on top - it will keep much better and longer that way. If you're going to freeze it, (which is smarter, if you're amine-sensitive), you can skim all the fat off and freeze it in recipe-friendly portions.

There's nothing like a cup of hot homemade broth before bed!

I Heart Broth. It's the best possible medicine for the body and the soul. And it's the basis of so many good recipes. Any good cook starts by making good bone stock. It was literally Day 1 of chef school. And for good reason.

*another happy sigh*

Classic Hollandaise Sauce

You'll need:

1 cup unsalted butter
4 egg yolks
1 tablespoon water
1-1/2 to 2 tablespoons lemon juice, depending on how zippy you like it
Pinch each salt and white pepper

Remove 2 tablespoons of the butter and keep cold in refrigerator. In small saucepan, melt the remaining butter; keep warm and liquid, but set aside. It will separate into layers - what you want is the yellow liquid on top - the milky solids at the bottom, you can discard. You'll also want to skim off any foam that rises to the very top and discard that, too.

In stainless steel bowl or in top of double-boiler, whisk egg yolks until slightly thickened and pale. Whisk in water and lemon juice. Add 1 tablespoon of the cold butter. Set bowl or double-boiler top over saucepan of barely simmering water (don't let the bowl touch the water) over medium-low heat; whisk until you can see the bottom of the bowl between whisks and the wires of your whisk become lightly coated, 1 to 2 minutes. Remove from heat, immediately whisk in the remaining cold butter to stop the yolks from cooking.

Off the heat, by little driblets, whisk in enough of the melted yellow liquid butter to thicken to consistency of thick cream. Increasing amount of butter to a very thin stream, whisk in remaining melted butter until thick and smooth. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

If you would like to make a Bearnaise sauce, instead, start by bringing 2 tbsp each tarragon vinegar and water and a finely minced shallot to a simmer over medium heat. Reduce down to just over a tablespoon of liquid. Use that mixture (straining out the shallots) in place of the lemon juice. Add a teaspoon of minced fresh tarragon to finished sauce.

Serve this with a nice seared steak or grilled/poached fish, or fresh steamed lobster, crab or shrimp. Or, spoon a blanket of it over softly poached eggs. Or smear it all over your body and have some lucky sonofabitch lick it off.

Slow-Roasted Five-Spice Pork Belly

Take a slab (any size, but I like to make about 3 lbs in a go) of pork belly (available in Chinatowns everywhere) with the rind still attached and score the skin in a 1-cm-wide cross-hatch pattern with a very sharp knife. A serrated knife works well, as the skin can be very tough to get through, especially if you don't have good knives. Don't cut too deeply - you basically want to just score through the rind and not too deeply into the fat. Rub all over (especially into the scored skin) with a handful of Chinese five-spice, a couple of cloves of garlic, minced, and some coarse sea salt. The five-spice is purely optional and this dish is actually absolutely out-of-this-world even with no seasonings at all. Place on a rack on a rimmed baking tray.

Roast in a slow oven - about 275-300°F (130-150°C) - for about 2 to 1-1/2 hours. Since oven temperatures vary, if at this point the rind isn't translucent and brittle and the fat isn't golden, crispy and completely puffed up, turn up the temperature to 400°F (200°C) and roast for an additional 1/2 hour, or until it's done. Let stand for 15-20 minutes before slicing, if you can keep your hands off it. Then eat the slices, dipped in Chinese red or black rice vinegar, or just on its own. Then call me and thank me. Then go slap your mama. Unless your mama makes stuff like this already. In which case, give her a foot massage.

Scrambled Eggs

Properly scrambled eggs are one of the joys of life. Properly scrambled eggs are unlike anything you've ever eaten in a restaurant, unless you've had them in a very very good French restaurant, prepared lovingly by an actual chef. If you did, they probably involved truffles. These are not the kind of eggs you'll find sitting next to a couple of strips of over-crisped bacon, a side of homefries and dried out, under-buttered toast in a harshly-lit all-night pancake house at 3 am. These eggs are not to be eaten with ketchup. If you do eat them with ketchup, I don't want to know about it. Keep it to yourself.

This is how I make scrambled eggs:

In a bowl, lightly but briskly whisk 3 eggs, plus one yolk with a fork, just until you don't see any big areas of unbeaten white. Don't overwhisk, as it will toughen the eggs. Don't add salt at this point, for the same reason.

Be entirely ready to cook the eggs and don't have any distractions. It only takes about 120 seconds, so don't answer the phone or try to do two things at once, or the eggs will suffer. And anything less than perfect scrambled eggs are not worth eating, as eggs are cheap and quick. If you screw them up, toss them and try again.

In a small cast-iron or stainless steel skillet or omelette pan, melt a large pat of good, unsalted butter (or bacon fat, lard or meat dripping, in that order, if you can't have butter, although none of them even begin to compare) over high heat, just until melted and foamy, but not at all browned. Pour in your eggs. Now, there are two ways to do this. You can either whisk the eggs in the pan with a fork and keep them moving constantly, just until they are thickened but very soft (not even cooked, really), or you can use one of those nifty silicone spatulas that are heatproof and use it to briskly scrape the bottom of the pan as the eggs cook and thicken into large soft curds. When they are still very soft and liquidy, but thickened, throw in another big pat of butter and stir in. Or, if you're a dairy fiend and you feel like something different, you can add a dollop of room-temperature creme fraiche, good sour cream, mascarpone, or soft fresh goat cheese. By this time, the eggs will still be very soft, but forming soft curds and at a point where you should turn them onto a warm plate. They will keep cooking, so don't keep them in the pan too long because you're worried they will be runny! Eggs should never be cooked past soft, unless you're some sort of rubber-loving masochist. Not only does the texture suffer, but the taste does too.

Sprinkle with your favourite salt and freshly ground black pepper, if desired.

*happy sigh*

*ETA: If you want a French rolled omelette, it's basically the same method. Only, just after adding the second knob of butter, remove the pan from the heat and let it stand for about 10 or 15 seconds. At this point, you can add some chopped fresh herbs, like thyme or tarragon, if you like. Then, lift the pan and tilt it towards your warmed plate, resting one edge of the pan on the plate. Starting at the top, take a spatula and start folding the omelette over until it rolls out of the pan and onto the plate.

Exercise? Do Not Want!

OK, I've never been one for exercise. I've always enjoyed dancing and I went through a period of a couple of years when I got really really into indoor rock climbing (I still love climbing, but it's highly expensive and inconvenient, as the gym is an hour from my new abode). But I've never been a big work-out-at-the-gym, cardio-lover. One might even say that I hate it. A lot. And one would be correct.

However, recently, as I mentioned before, I went to El Salvador and attempted to climb a volcano. The other people on the tour were all older than me, all smokers and all French-Canadian. I was positive that these factors combined, along with the fact that I even had climbing experience, would give me the ultimate edge and I would get to the top of the mountain first and have the pleasure of laughing and pointing as they struggled their way up to the top, coughing and sputtering as they went.

Not only did I not reach the summit first, but my friendly climbing partners got to the top, had a leisurely smoke and a chat, en Français, and watched as I panted and clawed my way up to the top (not joking). It was humiliating. And a big fat wake-up call. I'm young! (Sort of.) I'm 29 for Christ's sake. I'm able-bodied, aren't I? A little bit of a thunder-thigh situation going on, but nothing ridiculous and certainly nothing resembling obesity. I don't smoke. I even eat a healthy diet. I should damn well be able to climb a volcano if those Frenchies* can! Well, I barely made it up the stupid thing and probably looked like a complete a-hole in the process.

So, about 6 weeks ago, I started doing resistance training. Just on my own, in my spare room, with some dumb bells and a resistance band. And I'm really noticing a difference. My legs are far more toned, my ab strength has gone up tremendously and I can actually do squats and lunges and be able to walk the next day now.

I don't know if I'm in volcano-conquering shape, yet - but I'm getting there!




*Please note that I actually really like French-Canadians and any animosity you might detect in this post is purely rooted in jealousy.

El Salvador Effing Rules

This was seriously the greatest trip of my life. I climbed a volcano! Me. Lazy Annabelle. It nearly killed me. I may post more on this later, but right now I'm still a bit traumatized by the whole situation. I'm so glad I'm turning 30 soon and I can soon stop feeling like I need to do stuff like that. Until I'm 39 and it all starts up again. It may also happen at 34 - I'll be sure to let you know. I told bf that if I ever suggest anything like that again, he has full permission to bitch slap me.

Either way, it was an incredible experience. And I have a brand new renewed addiction to coffee, as Salvadorian coffee is arguably the finest in the world - most certainly the finest I've ever had. So much for my all-meat challenge. I bought 5 bags of beans, 2 of which I have given away. The remaining three are all for me! Me, me me! And any lucky son of a bitch who happens to come by my place for coffee.

I also made my first trip to Whole Foods here in Toronto yesterday and found a really gorgeous organic 35% cream with no additives and a label that states 0 g carb (which I know is not true, but I'm willing to blindly go along with). This morning I had Salvadorian coffee with organic 35% cream and nearly had an orgasm. Seriously. A couple of Kegel exercises and by next week, we should be talking business.

I also bought four kinds of raw milk cheese, which are full of glutamates and amines and sinfully yummy. Fuck it - I'm eating them!

I also bought some sheep's milk yogurt, which is 6% fat and possibly the densest creamiest substance I've tasted since my first spoonful of mascarpone so many years ago. And it's so uberdelicious. Maybe even better than cow's milk Balkan yogurt. Or at least as good.

I also found goat butter. Yes. Goat butter. I have yet to try it. I'm scared - I won't lie. How does one eat goat butter? On toast? I don't do toast. Maybe with eggs. I'm have to open the fridge and stare at it in fear a few times before I make a decision.

They also had all the Baretta farms organic meat, but the mark-up on it was so prohibitively expensive that... well... it prohibited me from buying it. Even as a test. I will have to order it myself, direct, and just go for it, one day. It may be a risk, but I'm willing to bet it's not all that risky and that I'll love it. I wish I had a big deep freezer. I wish I had room for a big deep freezer. I wish I had a deep freezer full of deeply frozen organic nitrite-free bacon.

One day soon.

Better... sort of.

Well, I'm feeling much better today. I'm in a good mood and my bloating from the MSG incident has gone away and I'm back down to the weight I was before it happened. Unfortunately, my partner is in a horrible mood and has been jumping down my throat all day. Makes it sort of difficult to enjoy getting through this rough reaction! Man, if it isn't me, it's him! If only I could convince him to go Failsafe. But he loves his junk food. He's so addicted and knows it's bad for him but would never consider going 'clean' of it all. Getting him to go Failsafe would be about as easy as getting him to agree to having his toenails pulled out with pliers.

I think I'll just lay low and avoid him!

Rice is nice

Hmmm... after my mini-meltdown last night, I discovered I had some plain long-grain white rice in the cupboard that didn't have any odour, stale or otherwise. I had 45 g dry weight of it with 3 gently fried eggs and 1/2 oz. butter for dinner. Not only was it totally yummy and vaguely reminded me of eating Korean food, but I somehow managed to not be hungry afterward. Unheard of!!

I made twice as much rice (it's very difficult to properly cook 45 g rice by itself - it turns out better if you make a bigger batch) and the leftovers are in my fridge. I intend to eat the rest tonight in the same fashion, but I'm now wondering if rice will develop amines overnight in the fridge. It does have protein... I remember in chef school hearing in one of my lectures that old rice is a very common cause of foodbourne illness, although no one ever knows that. People usually blame it on the meat that they're eating with the rice. Hmmm. Well, I'll eat the rice in the fridge, but I'll monitor my reactions carefully. And I'll also try to pick up some sushi rice on my way home tonight, which is less reactive than long grain to many Failsafers.

I'm not eating any meat right now, either. Just eggs. There is a Chinese market close to my house that sells meat that always smells very fresh that I may trial later on, but I'd like to reach baseline before I start mucking around with that.

*Update - January 08: The rice started giving me rebound hunger about 2 days in.

Stupid effing MSG

So MSG is so harmless, eh? This, unfortunately, is the current new belief in the health-o-sphere, thanks to a recent NY Times article and an accompanying timely post from Dr. Michael Eades. Emma blogged about it here. Yes, I suppose it's perfectly reasonable to add it to every stinking food on the shelves. I challenge you to go to the supermarket and find 3 packages on the shelf that don't contain some form of MSG. Remember it comes in a number of disguises. I suppose it's totally reasonable that they now add it in the most unsuspected places, like in vitamins (which you don't even really have to 'taste') and even effing baby formula. Yet another reason to nurse your children, ladies.

It's too bad, I typically agree with most things Eades has to say and find him to be quite humorous and generally a fun and informative read. But that post was just downright dangerous. I really hope it doesn't lead to an onslaught of stupid idiots 'testing' their friends allergies and intolerances by slipping things into their food! One really has to think about what one says.

I've been on a roller coaster of an MSG reaction for over 24 hours now, due to a work-related incident where I was forced to taste several packaged foods, all loaded with the stuff. They were all low in carbs, so that wasn't a concern for me. My calorie intake was no greater yesterday than it usually is. But today, I weigh 2 pounds heavier than I did yesterday. I'm also groggy, headachey, bloated and downright pissed off. And that's after the worst of it has worn off. The worst part is that I just discovered that the sour cream that my Mum was nice enough to bring over while I was recovering (with which I'd been enriching my Balkan yogurt) contains 'modified corn starch'. I hadn't read the ingredients because I just didn't want to bother with the possibility that it wasn't OK and since it was a nice gesture for her to bring food with her. Doing big shoppings isn't easy right now with my incision still being a bit sore. Now I feel like I can't accept food from anyone, or I have to secretly get rid of it after they leave.

Emma brought to my attention that glutamates stimulate an insulin reaction, just like amines and salicylates. That explains why I wasn't losing any weight during my recovery, despite only eating 1400 calories a day (which would typically be a good weight-loss amount for me). It's the bloody sour cream I've been eating. The amines in the yogurt probably weren't helping. What the hell am I supposed to eat now? I'm going to be living on poached eggs and butter! Sushi rice sounds good. I might have some Korean rice lying around in the cupboard, but it's probably stale.

*sob*

I guess the depression part of the MSG reaction is kicking in...