Cravings

Foods Eaten: Egg yolks; eggs; clarified butter; lard; rice flour; lard; chicken stock; chicken; potatoes
Cal: 1438 Fat: 135 g Carb: 20 g Fibre: 1 g Protein: 38 g
Weight: 156 lbs

I've been craving liver lately. Part of me tells me that my body needs it, seeing as it contains so many vital nutrients. Unfortunately, it also contains amines. Not sure how to handle this one yet. I had some bone broth yesterday because I was craving that and so far I'm OK. Of course, amines usually take a day or two to have their effect on me. I just feel like it's so counter productive that some of the most nutrient-rich foods are full of amines. And pork? The most suitable meat for human consumption, in Dr. Jan Kwasniewski's opinion, but full of amines that make me cranky. Do I sacrifice my health for my emotional well-being?

In Optimal Nutrition Dr. K even recommends that meat should be aged well before eaten - preferably turning brown. Either that or pickled, cured or processed in some way. He doesn't say why specifically, but I'm sure it's to do with his theory (that he mentions elsewhere in the book) that one shouldn't waste the body's energy breaking down foods if one can do it in advance in the kitchen, which is why everything should be well cooked/processed before eating. And I have to agree with his logic. Why on earth wouldn't it make sense for humans to function well on aged or slightly rotting meat? In a natural setting, pre-dating refrigerators, there would be lots of instances when meat would have to be consumed in a less-than-fresh state, or would have to be preserved (dried, cured, pickled) in some way, rather than go bad. People have been eating that way for millennia. It seems odd that the human body would react so poorly to amines when it is likely that one would be eating amine-rich foods on a semi-frequent basis.

By the way, when I ate chocolate I had no real ill-effects, except my forehead broke out in a rash. I find the vast array of symptoms that all these food chemicals cause almost amusing. It's like a guessing game... trying to figure out what horrible thing will pop up from this food or that food. Either way, I've been very bad lately and I must get back on track. I've also decided to give up methyl donors for now. Something tells me they're not making a positive difference in me and the time when I felt best on Failsafe was before I reintroduced supplements. I will continue to take Vitamin C and my calcium/magnesium/vit. D supplement, due to the lack of dairy in my diet. I may also continue the selenium, zinc and manganese, but I haven't decided yet.

Cranky and Pensive

Foods Eaten: Cabbage; sunflower oil; decaf coffee; eggs; egg yolks; clarified butter; cashews; rice flour shortbread; chicken
Cal: 2324 Fat: 210 g Carb: 65 g Fibre: 19 g Protein:61 g
Weight:153 lbs

I'm a bit cranky this morning. Part of it is that I'm a bit angry with my partner, for silly reasons, but I'm pretty sure the main reason is because of the pork I ate last night. I haven't really eaten pork on Failsafe because of the amines in it, but I still eat lard, which doesn't seem to give me a problem. Currently, my supplement regime includes the following: methylcobalamin, B6, Manganese, selenium, zinc, calcium/magnesium (2:1) with Vitamin D added, L-Methionine, TMG, SAMe, ascorbic acid buffered with a bit of sodium bicarbonate and occasional epsom salts baths for sulphate. My molybdenum seems to be 'on delay' from nutrimedical.com. I should be receiving it next week, hopefully.

Unfortunately, not being an academic of any kind, I'm probably not doing a very good job of researching this diet to the fullest. I giggled at Emma's last post because I am the first person to admit that I'm a 'working class, uneducated' person who happens to take my health very seriously and has a voracious appetite for learning. I've encountered a significant amount of prejudice regarding my level of education (I'm a graduate of Chef school, which was a diploma course, not a proper university degree), which I paid for myself and never had any help of any kind - not even from the government. I've learned to shrug others' opinions off, since I've actually done very well in my career, considering my age and I could give a f*ck what insecure little shits with tiny cocks (like Nathan Thomas) think. There are a lot of people out there like him and the best way to deal with them is to ignore them and go about your business, whatever that business may be. And since the best revenge is living well, I dedicate my spare time to figuring out how I can live best, especially in the arena of health.

But... because of my lack of education (not a lack of intelligence, mind you), I keep wondering if I'm missing a big key to what might make me feel good all the time, instead of just some of the time. Sometimes I feel like I've found 'the answer' but every process in the body is so tied up with so many other processes in this incredibly complex web that each time I trial a different vitamin or mineral or dietary combination, it ends up causing a cascade of events that goes well beyond what I can easily understand. I'm realising that there is no one magic answer to any of this. It's a crazy balance that can fall apart at any time. Now, I'm starting to become less and less concerned with my weight and more concerned with all the other health effects that my diet and supplement regimen might provide for me (protection from diseases like cancer and heart disease and an improved mental and emotional state).

I enjoy researching diet and science and, for the most part, I'm quite thorough with it. But having stopped taking any form of chemistry or biology after my last year of high school, my level of comprehension drops off pretty early on in the research process. I start reading about neurotransmitters and nucleotides and chemical pathways and I just start feeling like I'm trying to read Greek. Although, even a Ph.D (from Cambridge) probably wouldn't solve this particular problem. From what I've read, most scientists are pretty confused about all this stuff too. And many of them are twits, to boot. Are you listening, Nathan? I'm talking about guys like you.

Being your own patient (or researching on behalf of a loved one) definitely removes your objectivity, but it also fuels your research with a level of thoroughness and passion that a researcher might not otherwise have. I feel like if anyone will make a huge discovery in science, it will probably someone who really cares, not some detached researcher.

I do wonder if I'm becoming obsessed with all of this and I do really really miss being able to just eat something from a restaurant or going to a friend's place for dinner without it being a big giant humiliating, 'hey look at me, I'm a freak' experience. I never realised how easy things were when all I had to worry about was carbs.

Foods Eaten: cashews; eggs; egg yolks; clarified butter; chicken; decaf coffee; cabbage; tiny bit of carrot; homemade rice flour shortbread (one tiny piece)
Cal: 1587 F: 145 g Carb: 24 g Fibre: 8 g Pro: 54 g
Weight: 155.5 lbs

The past few days are being written in retrospect. Still had the headache from yesterday for most of the day. Reminds me of the headache I had when I was originally detoxing on Failsafe. Ugh. Feel good mentally - happy - just in a lot of pain. Barely had any appetite - ate breakfast at about 11:30 am, then not again until about 8 pm. Then felt nausea and had the runs in the evening. Went to bed exhausted and nauseated at about 11:30 pm. Ugh.

Oh by the way, I bought some SAMe at the health food store and started taking that on Saturday. You're supposed to take one tablet, twice a day, for the first 3 weeks, then just one per day after that, "or as directed by a health practitioner". I certainly don't feel like it's hurting. Aside from that killer headache from those fumes, I've felt pretty darn good for the last few days.

Cranky Pants

Foods Eaten: Eggs; egg yolks; clarified butter; peeled pear; cashews; lamb; cabbage; rutabaga
Calories: 1764 Fat: 168 g Carb: 27 g Fibre: 4 g Protein: 46 g
Weight: 154.5 lbs

That's what I am. A cranky pants. Have been since coming home from work. I'm not feeling hungry, either, so I don't think it's hypoglycemia-related. Weird. I don't like it and considering it's a long weekend, I'd prefer to be in a better mood for it. I do feel some career-related stress right now, but I don't feel this level of irritability is warrented. Hmph.

After reading Emma's post on molybdenum, I now feel extra pissed off at the health food store lady. ARRRRRRR. I resorted to ordering some liquid molybdenum drops online that will cost me a bundle, due to shipping. Something that should be $8, is ending up costing me much much more.

F*&^ing hell.

Love,
Angrybelle

A New Day

I feel good. It's a new day and I feel fresh. Hopefully, this is a positive sign. As I stated yesterday, I caved in and started taking methyl donors. I say 'caved in' because I really should have waited until I was totally 'clean' of reactions before I started trialling something new, but I just couldn't resist trying something that may make me feel better. Plus, I'm taking a substantial number of methyl donors now, so I should know pretty soon if they're not a good idea. My regimen includes the following:

- a sublingual tablet called Homocysteine Formula (by a company called SISU), which includes methylcobalamin, folate and B6 in a decent ratio. This was the only form of methylcobalamin at my health food store that didn't have a bunch of junk added to it, such as polyols and 'cherry flavour'. Luckily the added vitamins are also methylation-supportive and I needed them anyway. 1 tablet, 3 times daily.
-1 tsp of Trimethyl Glycine (a.k.a. Betaine or TMG)
- 2 tablets of L-Methionine, which comes with added B6
- Zinc is a supporting element in methylation and I was not meeting my RDA, so I'm taking a small dose (15 mg) and have stopped experiencing nausea from it. Yay.
- Ascorbic acid, buffered with sodium bicarbonate
- potassium salts
- Okinawan Coral (for calcium, magnesium and Vit. D)

I tried to get molybdenum, but they didn't have a supplement that didn't come as a multivitamin. The lady at the store just looked at me like I had just fallen off the stupid idiot truck and said "You don't need a pill of molybdenum all by itself. Your RNI is only about 15 mcg and you'll find it in any of these multivitamins."

Bitch.

Hmmm, funny how I just can't get away from supplements. Seems like I'm always either their biggest supporter, or feeling like I'm too dependent on them and feeling as if they may be 'not good' for me. I'm thinking, however, that I've just been focusing on the wrong ones. If I am predisposed genetically to undermethylation, then I will have to take them forever. But yeah, suddenly having to spend $50 on supps when I thought I was done with them (and already have a cupboard full of them, which are now no longer applicable), seems like a bit of a cruel joke! Especially if I find out that they are contraindicated for whatever ails me. Let's hope everything works out and I don't have to toss them out. Ha ha, maybe if they don't work out, I can ship them to Emma! Along with some liquid glycerine shampoo.

Have I lost my way?

Foods Eaten: Clarified butter; eggs; egg yolks; peeled pear; cashews; lamb; cabbage; rutabaga; potassium salts; ascorbic acid; sodium bicarbonate; coral supplement; zinc supplement (to meet RDA); L-Methionine; TMG; Methylcobalamin; B6; Folic acid
Calories: 1729 Fat: 166 g Carb: 24 g Fibre: 3 g Protein: 44 g
Weight: 154.5 lbs

It occurs to me that Failsafe and even ON combined with Failsafe is not the be-all and end-all. There are so many other factors that can interfere with your own personal good nutrition. I figured that since I was still sticking to the basic principles of Failsafe and ON, that I should be OK. But really, I wasn't OK.

When I decided to give up dairy, I filled the carbohydrate-void with grains (flour mostly, but more recently oats). That would have been fine if I had been reacting well to grains before I gave up dairy, but the truth is, I have no idea how I was reacting to grains before because I never included them! The milk I was drinking was providing too many carbs and I had only trialled potatoes up to that point. So here I was, giving up one suspicious element and just throwing a different one in the mix. Thanks Emma, for noticing this!

So out go the grains. I never really felt like I should be having them anyway, since my Atkins "programming" had made me feel guilty every time I ate them. I'll miss them, I assure you, but for right now it's too important that I eliminate them until I sort things out.

So let's recap, shall we? No salicylates (fruit and veg), no amines (aged proteins, chocolate... etc.), no dairy (self-imposed due to cravings, possible hypoglycemic reactions and tell-tale dairy sensitivity symptoms, such as pale skin and undereye circles) and no grains. Part of me feels like this is absurd. But then I always feel slightly absurd. My partner suggested I was developing Howard Hughes-ian paranoia last night. I tried to assure him that it has always been there and that I'm actually doing much better now that I feel like I'm discovering why I'm such a mental case. It's a chicken/egg situation in many ways.

So the only remaining question marks (for now) are regarding supplements. Last night, I prematurely started on a copper-reducing cocktail of supplements that now I question after Emma's enlightening methylation post. I don't know if I should just go back to having nothing, or if I should just eliminate the ones specific to copper-reduction, since some of them are really methyl donors and may be helpful for me. [Edit: Impatiently, I picked some methyl donors up from the store and started them this evening. I figure if I'll know if I'm reacting to them pretty quickly.]

I feel pretty good today, by the way. And my weight is back down to the ever-faithful 154.5 lbs. Hilarious. Didn't get hungry until about 11 am again this morning. Had a bite of deliciously ripe pear instead of the oats or the flour. Yum.

Zinc

So I decided to add zinc to my very small group of supplements. I figure it can't really hurt and on the off chance that I'm overloaded with copper, it will certainly help. I've heard it gets worse before it gets better, though, so we'll just see.

The unfortunate side is that zinc makes me feel intensely nauseated about 20 to 30 minutes after I take it and the feeling lasts for about 30 to 45 minutes. Last night, like clockwork, I felt incredibly sick, just after taking it and had to lie very still for a little while until it settled down. I'll have to see if there's another form of zinc that's easier on my stomach. I'm currently taking zinc gluconate. Maybe I'll try chloride or sulphate.

Vitamins

Foods Eaten: Eggs; decaf coffee; clarified butter; rutabaga; cabbage; egg yolks; potato; cashews; lard
Calories: 1713 Fat: 155 g Carb: 45 g Fibre: 8 g Protein:42 g
Weight: 153.5 lbs

Ok, I'm quite confused about vitamins. I've been reading Emma's recent blog postings about Vitamin C and Calcium and I'm not sure how to proceed. I've checked Fitday and seem to be meeting my RDA in Vit. C, no problem (but is the RDA enough?). I used to drink ascorbic acid mixed with a bit of bicarb of soda in a tall glass of water several times throughout the day before I started failsafe, but gave up on all my vitamins in a fit of paranoia about added salicylates and amines and, as well as the food sources of the vitamins (salicylate sources, especially for B vitamins).

The thing I'm worried most about right now is calcium. I'm not even scraping the surface of my RDA now that I've given up milk and dairy. I'm not even making beef or chicken stock anymore because of the amines and glutamates. I think I'm hovering around 20% of RDA. Without being able to eat calcium-rich veg (because they have too many salicylates), I'm not sure where I'm supposed to get my calcium now, if not from a supplement. All the Failsafe vitamins listed on the web are Aussie brands because that's where most of the focus for Failsafe has been. They have a wonderful network of people working together to find hidden dangers in foods and supplements... but here? Nada.