Friday, April 07, 2006

Confused

I'm a bit confused. This week has been very hard for totally un-food reasons, but if I didn't know any better, it's almost as if I've been suffering really late for my indiscretion last Saturday with food. Remember last Saturday? I ate a big barbecue feast, including non-failsafe foods from every walk of life, plus dairy? Yeah, well I felt fine for 3 or 4 days afterward, but then started having a chronic headache. And irritability and total exhaustion... etc., etc.

Now, granted, I have had a very horrible week. These reactions could be stress-related. But they seemed very much like my food-related symptoms. Meh, I guess there's no way to know. I'm really tired right now, but aside from that, I'm feeling a bit better now.

My weight is still exactly as it was after the binge - it hasn't dropped back down, even by 1/2 a pound. It's really making me think - busting my diet is absolutely just not worth it, no matter how much of a great idea it seems at the time. I have to stop caving in to outside pressure. I never want the food all that much - I just feel I will disappoint people if I don't eat it. It's a constant struggle and one that will probably exist for my whole life. Even this morning - I had a meeting and one of my co-workers brought chocolate croissants from a really amazing patisserie nearby. Everyone took one. People don't buy it when you say you have food intolerances when it comes to chocolate croissants - they just think you're lying and on a diet. And then you get the dirty looks and the "oh come on!"s. So I ate it, subtly avoiding the chocolate. It was delicious. Hopefully there were no chemicals hidden within. I'm thinking that a patisserie wouldn't use too many preservatives, but you never know. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

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