Update: SAD light!

I *heart* my new SAD light. I got this one. It is the bomb, guys. It makes me feel SOOOOO GOOD. Immediately afterwards and all throughout the day afterward. And not in a manic, coo-coo-pajamas kind of way, but in a content, groovy, smiling-even-though-I'm-stuck-in-rush-hour-traffic kind of way.

I still have eczema. BUT! I think I know why. Emma was kind enough to give me a little tutorial on the FailsafeNT group about eczema and apparently the bacteria that causes it loooooves fat. And what have I been religiously smearing all over my face for weeks and weeks, thinking that it would help? Fat. Emu oil, to be specific. Yeah, so as soon as my skin dries out a bit, I think things will improve. Actually it's already seeming less inflamed already after one day of fatlessness.

Yay!

Honeymoon Period

Foods Eaten: Brie; butter; chicken; sour cream; chives; potatoes; 35 % cream; instant coffee; beef broth; egg yolks; duck fat
Cal: 1895 Fat: 173 g Carbs: 14 g Fibre: 0 g Protein: 74 g
Weight: 155 lbs

It seems to me that every diet has a honeymoon period. You start it... things go very well. You feel wonderful, your mood is stellar, your weight drops and then something happens. It either stops working, or works in reverse. I thought that Failsafe was the first diet that would escape this phenomenon, but I think it may be the same, in a way.

My mood improved so drastically when I first went on Failsafe. I had sunshiney, bird-chirpey, skipping through the park days. I was downright euphoric. I even dropped 5 lbs. But I've never re-captured those feelings that I had in the first weeks, even though my awareness of and attention to detail about amines and salicylates has gotten better since then. If anything, I'm more failsafe now than I was then. But no. I'm still my same old irritable self. Granted, I don't have the same number of fights with my partner and I'm not as bad as I was, but I am certainly nowhere near as happy as I was in the beginning. One may try to blame it on the cheese I've been eating (amines), but by no means in this a brand new phenomenon. I've just never been the same since those first weeks on the elimination diet.

You gotta wonder. Was all that some sort of psychological reaction to yet another diet? Was it some sort of euphoria resulting from detox? Is this another candida-style diet that makes one paranoid and question every little thing in one's life? Oh, I'm irritable... I must have been contaminated by something!! Maybe it was walking down the street next to someone wearing perfume. Or maybe the red pepper I accidentally touched at work did it! Pardon me for thinking that is just ridiculous. I can't live my life like that. I can't be that much of a weirdo. Even the most careful examinations of what I've eaten or drunk or even happened to have accidentally sniffed don't yield an obvious answer. I can't be a slave to salicylates and amines or allow myself to get snarly just because I may have walked through an air-freshened room. To me, it seems unreasonable that my body is so weak, inefficient and downright ill that it can't bounce back from a little whiff of something. If I were a wild animal, I would have been eaten by now out of sheer incompetence.

Don't get me wrong. Additives, chemicals, salicylates, amines... I don't intend on subjecting myself to them, if I can help it (particularly the additives and all the fake shit). But I do believe that the less you expose yourself to certain things, the more intolerant you become to them. I can't live in a bubble. I practically do live in a bubble already and I'm still not even close to 100%. I still have zero sex drive. None. I had one day about 2 weeks ago where I felt something but it was such a foreign feeling, I barely knew what to do with myself. And it has not returned since.

I do wonder if my emotional state is a result of something other than food and airborne chemicals. Otherwise, I should really feel great by now.

The honeymoon is over.

Feeling so effing good

Oh my God, do I feel fantastic today. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and I am so chipper, I could practically float away on a cloud. YAY! It's about bloody time I started to feel better. It could be the good weather having an effect, too, but I don't really care.

Last night I even went out for a 45-minute brisk walk with A. at about 9:30 and it was even nice and warm and breezy at that late hour. I don't really think the walk did much for calorie burning - maybe 150 calories maximum. It mainly just gave me a feeling of well-being and lots of much needed energy. It also took my mind off food, as I was really hungry and carb-craving yesterday, especially in the evening. Probably because the night before I had a whole peeled pear in the evening, on an empty stomach, which is far more fruit than I usually have in one sitting and I never have it on an empty stomach. It was a mistake, but at least my mood didn't suffer - just my hunger levels. I imagine that walk was also effective as a cleansing method and helped to excrete some toxins. It must have, because I still feel great today. One of my co-workers suggested a walk today at lunch, which is even better because I'll get some vitamin D.

I did eat some chicken skin last night, but so far, no ill-effects. I hope I don't have any reactions because I love chicken skin. I removed the skin from some thighs that I had bought and planned on roasting and decided to render the fat out for later use. I was left with these incredibly crispy nuggets of skin that just couldn't go uneaten. A little salt... mmmmmmm.... I ate four thighs-worth! By the time they were rendered, they were just tiny little bits, anyway. Oh well!

The meat, I roasted and froze in 3-oz portions so I can whip one out for dinner any particular night over the next week. I was always intimidated by the amines, but figure if I just freeze it right away and it eat within a week, I'm good. It's a hell of a lot easier than dealing with frozen raw meat (which I hate) and it's nicer than worrying about the developing amines on meat while it sits raw or cooked in the fridge. Also, this way I don't have to cook from scratch every night of the week. After cooking all day at work, sometimes it gets to be a bit much. The best before date on the chicken said it was good for another 4 days, so I reckon it had been packed that day. There's no real way to tell with supermarket meat, but so far I've had good results with chicken (and lamb) from my supermarket. It's beef that's been trouble for me.